Wouldn’t it be easier if things were simply black and white? Imagine if we went through life knowing exactly what we wanted, when we wanted it, and how to make “it” happen.

Lately, I’ve been in this journey of trying to figure out what truly brings me joy. Is it going out a lot? Is it drinking? Is it simply reading a good book or listening to a good podcast? Is it just going to a museum? For years, I thought I knew what I wanted. But I’ve had this reawakening moment where all the things I thought I enjoyed no longer made me feel anything positive or any type of joy. At first, it frustrated me. Why was I being so fussy and complicated? Just go out, drink and go home. Stay up watching bad reality tv. Eat as many snacks because life is short. But deep down, I didn’t feel like those type of things gave me joy. It just felt like routine by now.

My world has shifted from thinking small and conforming to what I had at close reach to thinking about “What if I picked up this good habit for a couple of weeks?”. I realized I was doing myself a disservice by not giving in to what I really wanted to do. I love museums, music, art, having genuine and insightful conversations with people, eating great food, and many more things I never gave in to because I always thought nobody would ever understand or like it because it wasn’t their “thing”.

I even went beyond general things I liked to find out specifically what it was that brought me joy or made me feel good. Some of the things I found out about myself:

• I really, really love staying in on Friday nights to decompress after a long week at work. All day I’ll think about what movie or series to watch on Netflix and what I want to eat in bed.

• Art lectures and talks are something I have always wanted to start attending. After my first few tries of RSVPing and ultimately not going because I didn’t want to go by myself, I got the courage to just do it on my own and I’m glad I got out of my own shell and made that happen. I’ve been to 3 or 4 now and can’t wait to go to more of them.

• Keeping track of my finances. This one might sound weird but the Capricorn moon in me loves making sure my finances are in check. I follow a couple of great personal finance bloggers on Instagram and have learned so much through them and through doing research on my own. I love learning something new about personal finance. Currently, I’ve been curious about the process of doing a Roth conversion ladder and how to save on taxes on investments.

• Reading articles about retail, whether it be about how Q4 holidays affected sales in 2019, new beauty brands making an impact in the beauty scene, or how the state of retail is changing.

• Going out to drink during the day versus at night. I’m too washed for late night shindigs anymore. Drinking also makes me feel terrible the next day. Your girl cannot hang anymore! But if I were able to do it during the day, I can take a nap and wake up feeling a lot better the next day, ha!

The best thing I’ve learned about myself is that I like things to be simple. I’m a pretty calm and laid-back person and just like to do things that make me feel relaxed, at peace and give me joy. Being in loud and high energy spaces make me feel out of my element and make me shut down, causing me to not be the fun person I know I am.

I’ve learned to accept that I cannot be the person a lot of people want me to be. And for that I know I’ll be judged as somebody that is flaky, boring, dull, and arrogant. But the truth is, I know what I like. I know what I want. And that is the best feeling I’ve felt in a long time. I’ve been through so many situations in life where I felt like I didn’t know what I wanted or couldn’t control certain things or how people treated me but now I can say I’m at peace with all of that. It’s freeing. It’s peaceful. That’s all I need right now.

Wearing Naked Wardrobe turtleneck bodysuit and biker shorts, Target black belt (similar), H&M faux croc bag (similar).